Where are you?
This would seem to be a simple question, right? You are probably thinking, "I'm home" or "I'm at work." Maybe "I am in Phoenix."
All those answers work, but what I am really asking you is, "where are you in your life?"
Now that is a loaded question. Don't answer it right away. Sit back and take a few minutes to really think about that question. Are you where you want to me or where you expected to be at this point in your life? My answer to this is, I am in a very strange place. I am a business owner and a student. This describes my day to day professional/educational life. Having a career and furthering my education has always been apart of my adult life. But where am I on a personal level? Now that is a little more difficult. I have found myself in a sort of purgatory with regards to my personal life. After almost a decade in a relationship I have found that my partner and I have grown apart. We always have had different hobbies and goals, but we noticed that over the years we have had less and less in common. Our expectations of one another changed as did our thoughts and dreams. This is expected as we grow older. We all inevitably change. But sometimes these changes pull you away from one another.
I realized there were things I could no longer tolerate. They felt that I wasn't trying hard enough. Hard lines were drawn and as in any war, there are no winners, because in the end, we both suffered and lost. Things were said and no matter if they were said in calm manner or angry manner, honest words and feelings, once conveyed, those can cut deeper than any physical wound.
So now, I am in a spot where I have to make decisions that I didn't expect to make at my age. I have to make moves that are terrifying and scary. As one friend said, "you stood at the edge for so long that when you finally jumped, you suddenly wonder if this was the right choice." That is where I am. Did I make the right choice? Should I have been more flexible? Could I have given more? When I think about those things rationally, I say yes, this is the right choice for me. I was too flexible to the point where I was compromising my morals and beliefs to allow my partner to do what they wanted. Yes, I could have given more, but would that additional sacrifice made me happy? Would it have given me joy? Or would that have been an x in my column and a + in theirs? Did they make sacrifices to help me? Or bring me happiness? These are all questions we have to ask ourselves. As they say, you can keep filling up the cup of others, but are you staying refilled? Is someone filling your cup?
So now, I begin another journey that I hope you will follow me on. One where I learn how to be confident in who I am. Where I make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Life isn't perfect and we don't have all the answers, but how do we grow if we don't take that leap?
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